The jokes

When the school shooter breaks into the classroom, and you look at your friend because it's the kid you predicted.

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

Is it just me, or are you the prettiest person I've seen today?

You ever get the feeling when your parents are cheating on you? I do.

What's a kind of cat that lives in the water? Octopus.

What is the difference between an American and a computer?

An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.

My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

"Today was the worst day ever." "Why?" Because my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Who disliked the rooster joke, come out now!

What did the rooster say to the hen? Goodbye.

Where does the killer whale go to get its teeth done?

The orca Don-tist.

Yo mama so fat, if she buys a fur coat, the WHOLE SPECIES will become extinct!

GBM when he sees Soph (gets a boner) and has sex with Soph but realizes he forgot to put on a condom. Soph: "This is why Arsenal fans are so deluded and retarded."

Normal Fans after they lose the game: Good game, you guys played really well. GBM: "BRO REF WHAT THE BLOODY HELL YOU DELUDED ASS RETARD, OMFG WE LOST BECAUSE OF THIS REF!"

Adapt: Hey Adapt, did you know you're smart? Smart for being retarded. Yo Adapt!! You're so stupid that you gave me your Roblox account info and you said thanks about it!!

Barca fans after the LFC vs Barca game: We bottled it, damn it, we'll win the Copa Del Rey tho. Commie after the LFC vs Barca game: "YOU NEVER WALK ALONEEEEEEEEEE" Normal People: I support only 1 team. Commie: I support Barca, LFC, and AEK!! And I'm the biggest plastic in the server!!

Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.

Have you seen the Woody Allen v Mia Farrow series on HBO? If you like details about child molestation without having to do it yourself, boy do I have the show for you!

Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scales, it said, "One person at a time, please!"

I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)

They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.

Why did the baker give the shopper a butt? Because she asked for buns!