The jokes
I had to share a table recently with a disabled man. When I asked him for the salt and pepper, he had to make two trips.
The orphanage was open in apps, but I didn’t see the home button.
Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the man say, "I'm stuck?" Because he was...
I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.
Sike, that's the wrong number!
ooooooooooooooooooooo
Yo mama so ugly that when she looked at the sun, it exploded.
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
The Americans.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What did the mouse say after its bath?
"I feel squeaky clean!"
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.