The jokes
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
What did the tissue wear?
A shoe.
There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"
The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."
The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”
What is the most played game in Africa?
The Hunger Games.
A child is determined to burn his home down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm across the mother and stated, “That’s arson.”
The emo kid ran away after his parents asked why they took the barcode sticker off the Oreos.
"Jiggle balls, jiggle balls, jiggle all the way."
"Dr. Squatch will heal the itch, and know it goes away, hey!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack can eat her candy. He got sick when he got a mouthful of dick and realized her name was Randy.
My impression of Michael Jackson's butler:
When answering the phone: "No, sorry, he's dead." *hangs up phone*
What did the mountain say to the helicopter? Kobee.
What's the difference between an orphan and a baby?
The orphan gets back up.
What's the 9/11 survivors' least favorite team?
New York Jets.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
Wolf looks like a fox.
It has the sharpest claws.
It has a bushy tail.
To eat, it doesn't fail.
It has a coat of red.
My grandmother has said,
It hunts in search of food.
It is never, never good!
Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.
Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.
Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"You have a great singer inside you."
Joe Biden walks into the White House kitchen.
"Are those brownies I smell?" he asks.
"Indeed, they are," he was told.
"Gee," he says, "they smell nothing like Girl Scouts!"
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
Why did the orphan wait in line?
To see their parents next.