The jokes
When you're fighting with the emo kid and he brings his friends. Now you gotta fight the suicide squad.
Why did the emo kid get kicked out of the amusement park?
He kept cutting in line.
I wish my dad was home. I haven’t seen him since the shot of 2008.
Why did Jesus not win any Stanley Cups? Because he was cut from the team because he kept being pinned to the boards.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? About 120 pounds. ;D
What's the difference between a school bus and a cactus?
On the school bus, the pricks are on the inside, but on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.
Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.
Lucky for me I'm only 210.
Yo mama is so strict that Thanos couldn't collect the Infinity Stones until he had done his homework.
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
What is something in common with gay people and ambulance trucks?
They both take it out the back and go "woo woo!"
Q: What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
A: One of them gets picked.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Did you hear about the gay Indian who died?
He was a brave sucker.
I went to the local butcher's and asked him what happened to his Saturday boy. The butcher replies, "I had to fire him, I found him with his dick in the meat slicer!"
"What did you do with the meat slicer?" I asked.
The butcher says, "I had to fire her too!"
Alternative punchline:
"I had to call social services, she was only 14."
I walk in on my mum and she's in the middle of pulling off my dad's boxers. I said, "Mum, you really spoil those dogs!"
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!
What's the difference between a watermelon and an orphan?
One you cut into 2 with a knife.
And the watermelon you cut into pieces.
Why do orphans love to play family?
Because it's the closest they will be to being normal.
What is the orphan's favorite toy from his parents?
They don’t have parents to pay for a toy.