The jokes
What did the horses say to the donkeys?
"Jackasses, please like!"
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
Please stop hurting people's feelings, or they'll hang around the house.
Why were the twin towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same!
I used to have a goldfish which breakdanced on the floor. But only for like twenty seconds.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
The dirtiest football player in my school was the smallest.
He was just trying to find out who was tickling his balls.
Little Johnny ran into the kitchen and asked his mother, "Mom, can little girls have babies?" His mom answered, "Of course not." A few minutes later, his mom heard him shout to his friend, "It's okay, we can keep playing!"
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
Me: Name all the planets.
Other person: Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus.
Me: Not my anus!
Post your jokes in the comments below!
Everybody is wondering what position Kenny will give his brother in their new company.
Probably top.
Kenny likes to be the bottom in every sexual encounter.
Girl: How much do you love me?
Me: Count the stars in the sky.
Girl: Aww, it's infinite!
Me: No, just a waste of time.
What's the difference between you and me?
I have a plan for this new year.
So long, suckers. Keep scrolling.
My wife's always nagging me. "You don't let me have any friends, I abuse her, and I'm always coming back late." So I thought I would treat her. I popped up in the attic and introduced her to two women.
Don't you find it ironic that Kobe Bryant bounced his helicopter off the ground like a basketball?
My wife said, "Why oh why have you ordered carpet, our house is lovely?"
Thankfully the carpet was put to good use in the end, no more stupid comments coming from a rolled up Emily in the bottom of the ocean!
I was lying on the bed the other night and my missus was playing with my cock, trying to get it to go hard. She asked me what's the matter? I said, "I just don't find women without hair very attractive."