The jokes

Why can't orphans bake?

They don't have milk.

By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant lady?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

What kind of knickers is the best?

Windy knickers, because they're the best kind.

What did one twin tower say to the other? "Be back, I gotta catch a plane."

Have you heard of the Tic-Tac-Toe Beetle? It has an X-O-skeleton.

What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.

What did the shark say when he ate the clownfish?

"This tastes a little funny."

The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.

Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!

I love telling good news to my patients, like they survived the crash but their family died.

I'm thinking about telling my daughter there's a ghost in the house. At least then I can wear a bed sheet at night and fuck her without her being suspicious.

Apparently I'm not allowed home after house fires, but the neighbors, their house burnt lovely.

The hardest part of picking up a hitch hiker is tying them up.

What's the similarity between your mum and West Ham?

Your mum blows spunk bubbles from her ass.

I was fuming when I lost my job as a window cleaner, like who built the Twin Towers anyway?

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked across the floor, she fell through it.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Yo momma so ugly, the Devil started going to church!