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One day, inexplicably, my talking parrot started insulting me. He called me an idiot, a fool, a jerk, stupid, and a variety of other nasty names. I warned the squawker to cease, but to no avian avail. Fed up, I finally flipped the foul-mouthed feather-brain into the freezer...but after about 15 seconds, I relented and let him out. "I'm so sorry," he declared! "I don't know what came over me, and realize I shouldn't have said those terrible things. I hope you can forgive me, and I promise never to do it again! By the way...what did the chicken do?" 🐔😂

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender I m here to assassinate John Tucker. The bartender replies he’s in the restroom. The hit man goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour. The bartender asks him did u kill him? The hitman replies with a sad face “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour and when I asked him what’s taking him so long he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started”.

A kid gets home from school and find his mom and dad having sex, the kid asks "what are you doing dad" the dad replies "having sex with your mom son" and he starts laughing The next day dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan, the dad shouts "what the hell are you doing son" the kid replies " it's not funny when it's your mom is it"

When I am getting bore, I hold a banana start shaking suddenly it gives out juice after a few min I get excited ohhhhhhj.... Try with a cucumber

I was at a friends place yesterday, and... There was A mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started fucking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep. So I looked in the brothers room and all three brothers were fucking the sister.

I sighed at this. "Incest aside. You guys make a cute family." I started, "So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?" They stopped instantly and went to sleep. "Thank you." I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with "M" and ends with "arriage".

If you guessed "Marriage" you're stupid. It's miscarriage and don't forget it. The joke never gets old to him. Just like the baby.

When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you

When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called - sheesh

A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.

The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.

The man then got plastic prosthetics.

Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.

After much examination the doctor found that the patients pants were shedding color.

My and my penis never truly understood the words Booby traps until we met the x wife, Gods gift of self will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank and God started laughing and I swear I herd him say Booby trap as he walked away! True story

A young woman goes for for her first gynecological exam and the nurse has her take off her clothes, put on a gown and get in the stirrups. She tells her the doctor will be in in a minute. The doctor comes in and tells the young lady that she has one of the most beautiful Vaginas he’s ever seen and he has seen Lot of them. She thanks him for the compliment. He tells her he is about to start the examination, but he is going to have to numb her first, when she says ok, he goes num num num num num!!!

I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However, the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

What's the difference between a feminist and Hitler?

Both were good at starting wars, only difference was Hitler knew when to kill himself afterwards.

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