SOS jokes

Why was Han Solo so suspicious when he put his penis inside Princess Leia for the first time?

Because it was Luke warm.

9 out of 10 Americans are stupid... I'm so glad I'm in the 1%.

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

I was very lonely so I bought some shares. -- It's nice to have a bit of company.

"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.

"It means 'happy'," replied the father.

"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"

"No, son, I have a wife."

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Yo mama so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.

Yo mama is so fat, her blood type is Nutella.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the beach, the people shout, "Free Willy!"

Yo mama is so poor, she buys used food.

Yo mama so fat, she has her own event horizon.

Yo mama so fat, her blood type is mayonnaise.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

Yo mama so fat, she got baptized at SeaWorld.

Yo mama so fat, NASA has a satellite orbiting around her.

Yo mama so stupid she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican phone company.

Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.

Yo mama so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner--and she looked.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.