SOS jokes

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons. "My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don't succumb to his sexual advances I would have to jump out of the plane," and his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?" The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

So, there were kids in the bus, and half of them were white, and the other half was black.

All the kids wanted to sit at the back, so the bus driver said to all the kids, "Stop fighting. From now on, everyone is now green." So, the bus driver said to all the kids, "Dark green go to the front, and light green at the back."

Are you wearing a diaper? Because your butt looks so saggy.

My friend said to me, "How do you spell Tom?" and I said, "T-O-M-M." He said, "That's not how you spell 'it's Tom.' You have to take out one 'M'."

So I said, "But which one?"

Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?

What's so bad about 9 divided by 11?

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

I didn't fart. My ass likes you so much, it just blew you a kiss!

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.

So a blond and a brunette jumped out of a plane. Who hit the ground first?

The blond because she had to ask for directions.

You’re so lame, you don’t have a superpower!

"Yah, I do!"

Oh yeah? What is it?

"My diaphragm contracts and moves downwards into my chest cavity and my lungs expand!"

That’s breathing, Jim.

"NO IT’S NOT, JACOB, YOU CAN’T PROVE IT!"

a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion

I've always wanted to WAVE to a dolphin, but it could never SEA me.

That dolphin is so WASHED up. WATER you say we get revenge?

Roses are red, shit is brown, Get that dick out my ass so we can go to town.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Say:

"Eye"

Spell:

"Map"

Say:

"Ness"

Now say it fast!

Evan, this is Mya, and your mom told me you were adopted, so we are done. Bye, don’t talk to me.

I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.