A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
2k14 was so realistic when I switched to Kobe, the pass button stopped working.
My sons into astromancy asked me how do stars die so I told him usually on overdose son.
My therapist told me time heals wounds, so I stabbed him and now we wait.
Your dick is so small they thought you were a girl when you came into the world.
I’m a cashier at a grocery store, and when I’m bored, I draw on my hands with a pen. Well, this guy walks up to me and says, “You know, I got mental illnesses from drawing on myself.”
And so, without thinking, I said, “Well, I’ve already got those, so I think I’m fine...” 😳 He looked concerned. Oops lol.
I asked an orphan where his mom was. He started crying, so I said it again.
And well, that was my last day at the orphanage.
Yo mama's so fat, she wrestled a polar bear and won.
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
Why are the English so good at chess? Because their Queen never dies.
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
My grief counselor died the other day
He was so good at his job, i don't even care.
Yo momma's so ugly that she made one direction turn into the other directions.
Yo momma is so dumb that she couldn't even get three words into this joke. Maybe that's why she gave it a thumb's down...
Yo mama is so ugly that not even goldfish smile back at her.
So, there was this girl on the street that had no arms or legs, that said "Hey sir, I've never been fucked before, will you do the honors and fuck me?" So, I threw her in the ocean and said "Well, your fucked now."
She's so fat that when she steps onto a wood floor, the floorboard doesn't creak, it screams: "Goddamn!!!" before it snaps from the weight.
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
roses are red, violets are blue, You missed your lesson today, so you are gay.
