SOS jokes
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Why was the orphan so successful?
Because when he was told "go big or go home," he only had one option.
His hairline is so ugly that Martin Luther King had a dream about it.
Your hairline is so far back that when I put on my glasses, I thought I saw an "M" for McDonald's on your hairline.
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
Your hairline is so big even Dora the Explorer can't explore it!
me: I'm going to steal your heart.
her: omg that's so romantic!!
me, an organ trafficker: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
Yo mama so fat, even Dora couldn't explore her.
Yo mama so stupid. She thought fruit punch was a gay boxer.
Orphans are so useless even their parents agree.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
Roses are red, violets are blue. Your dad is gay, so are you.
Your mini pecker is so small, the taxi driver said the ride was so short that he'd do it for free.
Yo mama so fat.
In Super Mario Galaxy, she was a fucking planet!
You know, it was so cold in D.C. the other day, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.