A cop pulls a man over and finds out he's drunk. So he asks for license and registration, and the drunk man says, "Can I see your flashlight?"
The cop says, "Just give me your license and registration." So drunk guy says, "Not until you give me your flashlight."
The cop said, "For what?" and the drunk guy says, "So I can shine it in your face and see what an asshole looks like."
why are Americans so bad at clash royale, cause they already lost two towers
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Cause they already lost two towers.
Orphans are so unwanted that when One Direction saw one, it went the other direction.
Why should cemeteries be built next to orphanages? So the orphans can see their parents.
Your forehead is so big, when you go to the toilet, it bends. You stooped.
there was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time) so i said i made a chemical reaction with his mom last night
There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.
I saw a kid crying so I asked them "where are your parents?" then she cried harder, so i left the orphanage
Our teacher told us to write a story about the life of an object that's not alive, so I wrote a story about an emo kid.
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
So, one day I have a wife, but if it's getting a longer day, she is moving so weird, and I see she has sex with Rick Astley. 😂 [rickrolled]
Your mama is so stupid that she put a ruler under her pillow to see how long she slept.
Your forehead is so big I could stand on it.
Your mum's so fat, she fell into the Grand Canyon and got stuck going down.
Why do orphans say, "Go big or go home?"
So that way they feel important.
I downloaded Fruit Ninja so I can cut fruit instead of myself.
My friend was feeling low today, so I went up to her and said, "You know, I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life." I don't think she likes me now.
Best friend *holds a sign up that says "what gender are you?"*
Me: Uh, male?..
Best friend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"*
Me: You silly goose.
*Silence for like three seconds*
Me: Still male though-
