Smoking Hot jokes

Cremation,

The last chance for a smoking hot body.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking, hot body as a senior citizen?

Cremation.

In America, 1 in 10 houses has a paedophile.

Not me, I live next to a smoking hot 8-year-old.

What did the dirt say to the embers?

You look smoking hot.

My bf: Knock knock.

Me: Who's there?

My bf: Ice cream.

Me: Ice cream who?

My bf: I scream if you don't let me see that smoking hot body!

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

Why did the guy get the hose?

Because the girl was smoking hot.

Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.

I googled "How to start a wildfire." I got 48,500 matches.

I like my women like my cigars: smuggled in from Cuba in a sack.

Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you're super annoying and won't shut up.

I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000."

But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.