So dark Many jokes about orphans God this is the second worst thing to happen to these orphans
As a scientist, I confirm that you speak too fast, it has a speed of 1 bullshit per second.
YO MAMA SO FAT, NASA USED HER STOMACH TO JUMP TO URANUS IN SECONDS . đđ
A FED EX plane was carrying 375 fridges across Africa but the cargo door wasn't shut properly but only 218 reached the desired destination. The rest landed in a remote village. How many fell out the plane?
Time's up! You took too long you only had 4 seconds to answer it.
How do you put an elephant into the fridge that pushed out the cargo door?
Open the fridge, put the elephant in and close the door.
How do you put a giraffe into the fridge?
Open the fridge, take out the elephant. Then put in the giraffe and close the door.
Why did sally fall off the swing?
Because she got hit by the other 156 refrigerators.
How did she survive?
Her idiot mother tried to pull her out and accidentally ripped both her arms off. But she was rescued 8 minutes later.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. the night they get out of their cages they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road. as one lion gets a bite of leg the second takes a piece of shoulder. Then one stops and asks his companion: Does this taste funny to you?
So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the cityâs vault but canât open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a b***h heâs rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his exâs vault and thought âwell that b***h can suck my d**k sheâs so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessnessâ so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasnât heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said âimma f*****g murder youâ so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked âyou know I donât get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I donât understand why the poorer arenât heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.â And the first guy said âb***h I donât know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die alreadyâ
What's the opposite of Christopher Reeve? Christopher Walken.
Those t.p. jokes are getting shittier by the second.
Chesley, in horror, runs out of the cockpit of the plane coming from London, "I'm so very sorry everyone, I punch the wrong buttons and we are heading to DC instead of New York and we are about to run out of fuel. He opens the door and turns around to the five passengers and exclaimed, "I've parachutes but miscounted. We only got four for the passengers." He jumps off.
Donald faced the other four and orders:
"I'm the greatest leader of the world and I'll make the decision. Tony you go first, our country needs you. The whole wide world needs you. Pandemic is raging." Tony jumps off.
Francis,my friend, you go next, pandemic is ravaging the mind and body of millions. Their soul needs saving. Save Vladimir's and Xi's for me." Francis jumps off.
Hillary faced faced Donald furiously. "Who are you to make decisions for us? I should have been president. I'm the smartest woman in the whole world in history." Hillary jumps off.
Donald gazed at the young woman and started talking: "I'm an old man. I have already lived a full life - beautiful wives, children just a beautiful life. Just beautiful. I've become president of the most powerful country, the most beautiful, the richest. Regrets? I've made a few but did it my way. Greta, go on. Your future is bright. I just wish I can make my country great again and have the chance to help save the world with you. I believe in second chances. Look at my bankruptcies, believe me. And I wish I've played more golf and ......"
Greta interrjected, "Just shut the f* up. The plane is about to crash. Let's go and save the world. The smartest woman in history took my backpack!"
You know a piranha can devour a small child in 30 seconds. Anyway, I lost my job at the aquarium today.
Sally's mother had four children. The fourth April, The second May, The third June. Who was the first child
Sally
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
Trump and two of his friends are stranded on an island with no internet connection and no way of getting home. As they frantically run around the island trying to get a signal so Trump can call his private helicopter to come and pick them up, Trumpâs wig falls off and lands on a magical lamp, from which suddenly appears a genie. As Trump replaces his wig, the genie announces that he will grant each man one wish for freeing him. The men stop to confer. The first one says he will wish for a plane to rescue him, the second wishes for a boat to rescue him and they tell Trump to wish for a helicopter to rescue him. Trump, being Trump, nods and says yes but he wasnât really listening. Then they approach the genie. The first one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a plane to rescue him, as agreed. The second one of Trumpâs friends wishes for a boat to rescue him, as agreed. Then Trump is left all alone, but instead of wishing for a helicopter to rescue him, as agreed, he says, âAww, Iâm lonely now. I wish both my friends were here with me!â
there was man, who had just moved from a foreign country. he just moved into his apartment, and was watching his favorite TV shows. the first one was "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me," the second one was "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives," and the last one was "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" There had been a murder in the area, and the man was walking in the park when a cop showed up and asked him "sir, have you seen this man?" and held up a photo. the man said "me-me-me, me-me-me, me-me-me-me-me-me-me." the cop said, "sir, what did you use." and the man said "forks and knives, forks and knives, all i use is forks and knives." after that, the cop said, "sir, im going to have to arrest you," and the man said "BRING IT ON, FAT MAN!!" the screen goes black, and all you can here "chk-chk. BANG"
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, " What is a tragedy?" One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "if my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy." A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!" "Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
I have a brother and he told me this quote no wonder they had a second child they messed up on the first oneâ heâs the second child... Iâm the first...
If you put your foot in a pond, your foot will get wet. No joke, I just wasted about 5 or 6 seconds of your life.
What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?
New Yorkers
Two fish in a bowl, First fish asks "Haven't i seen you around here before?" The second fish replies "F**k me a talking fish!!!!"
I was asking people who knew Trump if he would win a second term. Stormy said, "No way, he doesn't have two in him!"
Two people just met. One said, âWe should do some bonding.â The other nodded and said back, âTitanic.â The first just looked confused so the second one just said, âSorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.â
