Rob

Rob Jokes

On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:

12 tap ins

11 pointless dribbles

10 fixed league titles

9 missed penalties

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6 dives

500 million robbed from Barca

4 UCL semi losses

3 times he blamed Higuain

2 retirements

And a transfer to a farmers league.

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

A farmer had a donkey and a dog. One night, he was getting robbed by a thief. The donkey told the dog to bark, but the dog refused. So the donkey brayed very loudly, and the thief ran out of the house, and the farmer beat up the donkey.

Inmate 1: Why are you in prison?

Inmate 2: I killed 4 people and robbed someone, what about you?

Inmate 1: I blew up a school bus.

Inmate 2: OMG, you demon! Were they autistic?

Inmate 1: No, they were Fortnite kids.

Inmate 2 (who is Muslim): Halelouia, we have found the messiah!

I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.

Two kids told their parents they saw a man late at night entering their house on Christmas night.

The day later, they found out several houses were robbed.

A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.

After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."

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A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"

A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

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