Railroad jokes

What do you call a train with bubble gum?

A chew chew train.

Oh man, I'm depressed.

What do you need in order to crash a train?

A bad track record.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

Fence 1 was thinking and Fence 2 said, "Are you still on the fence about running away?"

Fence 1 said, "Yeah, I was thinking of running on the RAILROAD."

Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains? How many have you derailed this year?

Me: Sorry, boss, it’s hard to keep track.

What's the slowest train in the world? A slow coach!

Your mother is responsible for all the train drivers that are never ever late. She taught them all to pull out on time.

Are you a train because I want to get railed by you? ;)

What do you call a train that stalls?

The little engine that couldn't!

I like trains.

*train hits him*

One day, Billy cow wandered off to the railroad tracks where his mother always told him not to go. His mother asked him where he had gone when he got home. He replied that he was just going for a graze. His neighbor later told his mother he had saw him at the railroad tracks. What would you call Billy cow now?

Ground Beef.

What part of the train goes "toot toot"?

The caboose.

You wanna know why I love trains?

They end my suffering.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

Say all you want about priests, but at least they drive slowly in school zones.

Little Johnny was playing with his train and said, "All you motherf*ckers who want to get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who want to get on, get on." His mother hears him and asks, "Is that you cussing?" The mother said, "Go to your room for 1 hour." Little Johnny goes to his room, then comes back one hour later and said, "All you motherf*ckers who wanna get off, get off, and all you motherf*ckers who wanna get on, get on, and if you wanna know about the 1 hour delay, go ask the b*tch in the kitchen."