Plus jokes

On the plus side, I finally hear voices talking to me... just wish they were outside my head.

What did the fish get on his math test?

A sea plus.

We saved a Swiss flag from a house fire. I thought that's a plus.

So, there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, "what is one plus one?" She said, "I HATE YOU." Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, "My buns are burning." Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!" Bobby said, "NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN!" The principal yelled, "HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?!" Then he said, "85 SMACK EM DOWN!" Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, "my buns are burning."

It's okay to tell a Stephen Hawking joke if there are stairs in your house he can't get to you. Plus, he shut himself down, so it's all good :)

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

I asked, "Where are you going?"

He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

I asked, "What do they do there?"

He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? -- Well, the flag is a big plus.