Phew jokes

A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."

Old man goes to the doctor.

The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says, "Phew, it's hot in here." The other muffin says, "OMG, a talking muffin!"

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

What did the swearing hen say?

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" (It's cluck.)

What did the cussing rooster say?

"Cock-a-doodle-doo, phew!"

Farmer: Phew! I got all the eggs from the chickens!

Farmer #2: EGGcellent!

lowkey "discharge" is an ugly word. I prefer créme de la meow meow.

"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.

My bitch as flat as her grannie's heartbeat.