Pandemic jokes

Covid said to stay 6 feet... I didn't think Kobe meant it literally.

My brother caught Covid last month.

First I knew about it was when he speed-dialled me at 3am and gasped, "I can't breathe, I can't breathe!"

I just told him straight: "Bro... you really need to work on your George Floyd jokes."

"Peppa Pig"-like pandemics.

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

When did I realize COVID was serious?

When I saw your teeth social distancing.

COVID-19. IN YOUR FACE! HAHA!

How do skeletons get COVID?

From the coffin!

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

At the restaurant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "'Cause she clearly has no taste." She responded.

Last night I had the strangest dream!

I sailed away to China!

And I caught the coronavirus!

You said you needed to wash your hands!

Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!

And you said!!

Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!

Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!

Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!

Everybody was kung flu dying.

It traveled as fast as lightning.

2020 was expert timing.

In fact, it was a little bit frightening.

I hate wearing a mask in public.

I am still trying to figure out why paying the COVID doctors a compliment is so offensive. They even kicked me out, and all I said was to stay positive...

I was going to go hunting but then I realized, schools are closed due to covid.

My family was like dinosaurs when they got COVID.

They both went extinct.

For all the people with Covid-19, I just want to say... Stay positive.

Why is 2020 the worst year? Because COVID-19!

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, "Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?"

The bartender says, "Sorry. We don't serve viruses here."

Corona replies, "Well, you're not a very good host."

I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.

Why do people not adhere to the corona measures?

Because they hate their lives and want to die.