Outing jokes
A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"
And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"
You know the phrase "one man's trash is another man's treasure"?
Great phrase, bad way to find out you're adopted!
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
How do you get an emo out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
Emo jokes are not funny, so cut it out.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
One day my mom told me to take out the trash, and I did. The next day, mom asked me, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "A garbage truck took her." Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the orphan fall out of a tree?
They thought their parents would catch them.
What is the origin of the glory hole?
The origins can be found in San Francisco, California, where historians claim that a meat thermometer was sticking out of a hole from both sides, especially the divider between bathroom stalls inside the men's restroom used for an anonymous massage for gay men by gay men in San Francisco, CA, in the Wild West.
Yo momma's so fat, she rolled out the bed, out the room, down the stairs, smashed through the window, rolled down the road, and got stuck in the Grand Canyon.
What did the skeleton pull out from behind his ear?
Nothing. Skeletons don’t have ears.
Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.
Too bad only one was standing. :)
I went to the “lists of women” page on Wikipedia and it was blank.
Either, Wikipedia is proving women do not exist or John Cena decided to come out as transgender.
Children and your meat are actually quite similar.
At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why is Daisy afraid of candles?
Watch my videos and find out!!! 🤸♀️🕯📷💰😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
Why did the alarm go off when the emo and his friends left the store when they checked everything out?
The emo forgot to roll his sleeves up.
Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!
Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.
Person 1: Really?
Person 2: They're not even that deep.