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No jokes

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

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    • (True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”

    And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”

    Friend: Hi.

    Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?

    Friend: Me?

    Me: Damn, no, not you.

    Friend: Then who?

    Me: The orphan kid.

    I guess we're the same.

    I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.

    A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

    "If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."

    Sun Tzu, The Art of War.

    Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?

    Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".

    An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.