No jokes
My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.
A man awakes in a hospital and is confused. He decides to feel his legs, but to no avail.
"Doctor, doctor!" He cries out.
"What is it?" The doctor asks.
"I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor stands there for a moment - completely dumbfounded.
". . . That's because I amputated your arms."
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do you call a retarded three legged doggo heckin pupper monster? A 1996 Dodge Neon with a broken tail light cover and 166,748.46 miles on the odometer.
It could use a tune up and it needs a new transmission soon. New rear tires and a new radiator. Test drives with cash in hand. HMU motivated seller. Don’t waste my time and no lowballs.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
Sally has no arms. What did she get for Christmas? I don't know, she hasn't opened it yet.
Jimmy: Your mom is gay.
Me: No, you.
Jimmy: I have no mom.
My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
Santa gives a boy a bike and a soccer ball for Christmas. This upsets the boy. Why?
Answer: He has no legs. The boy has no legs.
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
Steven Hawking said there is no God,
Then God said there is no Steven Hawking.
Yo momma is so ugly, when she tried to join the ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, no professionals!"
Why should you never fart in an Apple store?
Because they have no Windows!
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Why couldn't she get up?
She had no friends.
Knock Knock (Who's there?)
Not Sally...
I gotta song for Hawaii, baby, you light up my world like nobody else.
Why did the girl fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.