No jokes
Where do people with no legs go to have fun?
Legnoland.
Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they're all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there's no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.
Q: What do you call a guy with no arms or legs in front of a door?
A: Mat.
What do you call a magician with no magic? A dyslexic c**t.
Have you eaten at the restaurant on the Moon? It's got good food, but no atmosphere.
How old are you...? I don’t give a shit, stfu and get in ma van.
“NO NO NO”
I’ll give you some candy.
“Oh ok🤩”
Is crummy bears alright??
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says no.
The midget asks why. The bartender says, "You're a little drunk!"
What do you call a smurf with no arms or legs?
A paintball.
How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?
They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
Stand? Wait. No.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows.
So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.
I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.
What do you call a fish with no legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Fsh have no legs.
What do you do with legs?
Break!
This guy walks into a library one day and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, "F*** no, you won’t return it!"
Why does Sally have no friends? Because she is obese.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!