What is the oldest animal in the world?
A zebra—it is black and white.
Worst Jokes Ever
What’s the difference between a woman that doesn’t belong in the kitchen and Bigfoot?
Bigfoot is real.
What do you call a flying bus?
An Airbus.
What do you call a bus going backwards? A sub.
What is the difference between the snow ❄️ and sun 🌞? Snow is slippery, and the other kind 🧒 of weather is not slippery.
I love you too.
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
To whomever stole my anti-depression pills, I hope you're happy now.
Do you know where Helen Keller lives?
Neither does she.
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
There were two guys in an asylum. One was named Kenny, and the other was Bob. The nurse went down the hall and saw Kenny acting like he was packing his bags. The nurse said, “What are you doin', Kenny?” Kenny said, “Going to Florida for the week.” The nurse said, “Alright, see ya when you get back.”
Next day, the nurse went down the hall again and saw Kenny lying down acting like he was holding a wine glass. The nurse said, “What are you doing, Kenny?” Kenny said, “I am at the beach.” The nurse said, “Oh, I forgot you're in Florida for the week, see ya when you get back.” Bob's room was across the hall. The nurse went further down the hall and saw Bob on his bed jerking off. The nurse said, “Goddamnit, Bob, what are you doing?” Bob said, “Shhh, I am fucking Kenny's wife right now, he is in Florida for the week.”
My favorite joke is my life.
It's all shits and giggles till somebody giggles and shits.
Why is the iPhone 7 not a smartphone?
It doesn't know jack.
Why do they have fences around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in.
A girl and boy are in bed after sex. The boy goes, “I can’t believe they got together after all that shit.” The girl says, “Who?” The boy goes, “My ass cheeks.”
How is a child with cancer and dark humor similar? They never get old.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Depresso expresso.
JK, bleach.
