Mother jokes
A baby skunk's mother gets hit by a car, so the baby skunk doesn't know what he is.
So the baby skunk walks up to a baby bunny and asks, "What are you?" The baby bunny replies, "Well, I'm a baby bunny. What are you?" The baby skunk says, "Well, I don't know, am I a baby bunny too?"
The baby bunny says, "No, you're not a baby bunny." So the baby skunk asks, "Well, what am I then?"
The baby bunny replies, "Well, you're not exactly blank and you're not exactly white, so you must be Mexican."
As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life changed when I found out she was under the horse.
A kid is watching TV and sees an ad about adopting an animal. He then turns to his mother and says, “Do we have to adopt a donkey?” “No,” replied the mom, “but we decided to do it... we adopted you.”
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
Q: What type of mother gives their daughter sperm? A: A furry mother.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
This isn't a joke.
There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.
JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!
What's the difference between a mother and a pigeon?
One doesn't eat their husband out.
Roses are red, your mother has said, "Come back again, and you'll be dead!"
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
What do you call a baby that came out of their mother's womb? A virgin.
Why did the goat have an abortion?
Because she already had too many kids!
So I was sitting at a bar, right? That fucking waitress came again, and guess what? She brought the wrong drinks again. So I send her away to get the correct drinks. And she came back again, with the wrong drinks!! Obviously, she was retarded. Anyways that's the story about how I met your mother.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... I fucked your mother's ass, and she had you.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
Johnny is very attached to his parents. He asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks, "What's that?" The mother replies, "That's my garage." He looks up and asks, "What are those?" The mother responds, "Those are my headlights."
He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down, "Daddy, what's that?" The dad replies, "That's my car." He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tells his mother and she says, "You can lay with me." He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed. He gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving. He looks under the covers to investigate and sees them going at it. He then yells, "Mommy, turn on you're headlights, Daddy's parking his car in you're garage!" *THUD*
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?”
He responded with, “The cat is dead.”
She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you have broken the news slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor thing's dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?”
“She’s playing on the roof.”
What's similar between a pregnant 14 y/o girl and the foetus inside of her?
They both are thinking "My mom's gonna kill me!"
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy, was my wife mad. She yelled "HOW CAN YOU F*** OUR DAUGHTER?!". Haha, yeah, she was mad.
Anyways, that's why your mother and I are getting a divorce, Timmy.