Metabolism jokes

I hate these double standards.

If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

What's the difference between a baby and a baked potato?

About 140 calories.

If you ever become depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before going to sleep... That’ll give you a reason to get up in the morning.