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Mate

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a text conversation. The first person asks about a Miata for sale. After some questions, the first person asks "What's your lowest point?" and the second person responds with a tragic personal anecdote about his wife leaving him, misunderstanding that the first person was asking for the "lowest price."

Ring

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a text overlay stating, "ME POSTING 'RINGS OF POWER IS BETTER THAN THE TRILOGY,' THEN PUTTING MY PHONE ON VIBRATE AND STICKING IT UP MY ASS." Below the text is a close-up shot of Frodo Baggins from Lord of the Rings, looking up with his eyes rolled back, as if in discomfort or ecstasy.

it's

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

3:06/11:47
i Ejactulate on small children for burnie sanders and donald trump
Vsauce
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Published on Jul 3, 2015
i love to make political posts, but this time i will annoy both sides.
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Sheep

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A cartoon drawing shows two people walking along a path near a field where several sheep are grazing. A sheep in the background is holding a sign that says 'TWO-TIMING BASTARD!'. The first person says in a speech bubble, 'I CAN'T QUITE READ THAT. WHAT'S IT SAY?' The second person responds in a speech bubble 'UH...'

Platypus

big [fire] balls · 1 year ago

A screenshot of a tweet by user @Nazxca. The text says: "There is only one thing girls want, and it starts with a P and ends in a S." Below the text, there is an image of a platypus swimming in water.

Platypus

big [fire] balls · 1 year ago

A platypus in a box with the text: "BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE. Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it's one of the few animals that can make its own custard. AS AN ADDED BONUS HER MATE CAN POISON THE CUSTARD WITH HIS OWN VENOM."

Perry the Platypus

big [fire] balls · 1 year ago

A three panel image showing the same character with different reactions to an intruder. The first panel says 'Someone enters your lair' with a 'Panik' reaction. The second panel says 'It's just a platypus' with a 'Kalm' reaction. The third panel says 'It's Perry the Platypus' with a 'Panik' reaction.

Brother

big [fire] balls · 1 year ago

The image shows four panels, each with a different SCP object class icon and a caption. The first panel shows the icon for Euclid with text: "How hard I could hit my brother". The second panel displays the Safe icon with text: "How hard I decided to hit him". The third panel shows the Keter icon with the caption: "How he described it to my dad". The fourth and final panel shows the Apollyon icon with the caption: "How my dad gonna hit me".

Sign

RapBoat · 1 year ago

I can DEFINITELY relate

The image shows a list titled "7 Signs You're Getting Better At Rapping." Next to it is a drawing of a light-skinned man with a serious expression pointing his finger directly at the viewer. Below the list is "HOW TO RAP @HOWTORAPNATION"

Horror game

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The meme shows a text overlay on a dark, blurry image. The top text sets up the scene: a horror game where a friend says, "it isn't a trap bro just follow me." The bottom part of the meme displays a building sign that reads, "evil ass rape building," representing the dangerous location the friend is leading them to.

Dick

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A Twitter post with a user asking a hypothetical question about getting their penis stuck in a ketchup bottle, followed by two replies.

Lasagna

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A four-panel cartoon of Garfield. In the first panel, Jon proudly announces, "I made a lasagna Garfield!". In the second panel, there is a stack of lasagna on a plate and the text "Mhmm yeah looks good, huh?". The third panel shows hands touching the lasagna with the text "Oh god it's so warm and wet." The final panel shows Garfield with a surprised expression and the text "I should call Liz."

Man

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a two-panel drawing of a factory conveyor belt. In the top panel, a stick figure worker is standing near the conveyor belt with M&M candies. The text says, "Man it sure is boring working at the M&M factory." In the bottom panel, Eminem is standing in the place of the stick figure worker, near the conveyor belt with the same M&M candies.

Lego

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image shows a grid of eight panels, each with a close-up of the character Kuzco from the movie "The Emperor's New Groove." In each panel, Kuzco is smiling smugly and the text overlay says "Oh, yeah. It's all coming together.". Above the image the text "Building LEGO be like" is displayed.

Backyard

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

A black and white image shows a cat wearing a hat and smoking a cigarette. The text overlay asks, "If they find oil in my backyard it belongs to government, but if they find bodies in my backyard it belongs to me??" and also says "(Stay with me now)"

Snail

Heroin Monkey · 1 year ago

The image is a six-panel comic strip. In the first panel, a man is pointing up and saying, "If salt kills snails, then if my hypothesis is correct". The second panel shows a snail in a box with pepper being sprinkled over it and text saying, "Pepper should, in fact, bring them back to life!". The third panel shows the snail glowing with a bright light. The fourth panel shows a giant snail with the man standing at his feet and text saying, "Oh god, I was wrong. It just makes them huge and horny!!". The fifth panel shows a huge snail close-up with long tendrils and text saying, "Now lemme get ya slimey- I wanna nibble on your virginity!". The sixth panel shows the man crying and screaming with a snail tendril coming towards him with text saying, "Mum get the salt! Get the f***ing salt!"

Script

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

A tweet from Joe Heenan stating he wrote a script during lockdown and received an email from someone at Netflix. The email reads, Dear Mr. Heenan, Thank you for the script, it's one of the best we have ever read. The writing is superb, it's tense, funny & non stop action. The only problem is it's the script to Die Hard. You literally sent us the script to Die Hard & changed the title to Mr. No Shoes and the Shooty Shooty Bang Bang Christmas. Never contact us again.

Military

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image is a comic strip showing three panels. In the first panel, an elderly man in military attire is talking to a younger man sitting next to him, who is also playing a video game. The text says, "WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I DEFEATED THE NAZIS IN HOLLAND." The younger man responds, "You have to let me go, grandpa. It's not your fault you inspired me to join the military. I knew the risks when I signed up. It was my choice." In the second panel, the younger man fades and becomes translucent. The text says, "Men shouldn't die so young." In the third panel, the elderly man is sitting alone on the chair.

Mind

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

The image shows a split view of John F. Kennedy. On the left a black-and-white photo inside a red circle shows Kennedy riding in a car during a parade, on the right a color portrait of Kennedy smiling. Below, the text "You'll never believe what happened at this parade (it blew my mind)" is shown. A YouTube interface is at the bottom with the channel name "JFK".

Ball

Sooploosh MacSchnibble · 1 year ago

A large, colorful beach ball, with a man standing next to it. The text below the image reads: "A fun way to ruin a weekend and blow 100 bucks. We took this ball to the beach and after close to 2 hours to pump it up, we pushed it around for about 10 fun filled minutes. That was when the wind picked it up and sent it huddling down the beach at about 40 knots. It destroyed everything in its path. Children screamed in terror at the giant inflatable monster that crushed their sand castles. Grown men were knocked down trying to save their families. The faster we chased it, the faster it rolled. It was like it was mocking us. Eventually, we had to stop running after it because its path of injury and destruction was going to cost us a fortune in legal fees. Rumor has it that it can still be seen stalking innocent families on the Florida panhandle. We lost it in South Carolina, so there is something to be said about its durability."

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