Worst Jokes Ever

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Heroin Monkey

The image shows a text that reads: "the cop who just shot me 12 times in the chest seeing the true power of the indomitable human spirit as I continue to walk towards him unfazed (I'm on methamphetamine)". Below the text is a cat with a wide eyed, slightly frightened expression.

DAP ME UP

Haha

The image shows two side-by-side pictures. The top picture shows a muscular man with dumbbells. The text above the picture reads, "How I think I look at the gym." The bottom picture shows a different man holding a small dumbbell. The text below this image reads, "How I really look."

Heroin Monkey

A man looking upset is pictured above a comment that reads: "I have your face on a carpet and I like to strip naked and cover myself in honey and roll around on the carpet until I pee (love your bellybutton)." Text over the man reads: "Bro leave this man alone."

A Star Wars Fan

A still from The Hobbit shows a dwarf with a helmet saying, "I have the eyes of a hawk and the ears of a fox and a lifetime ban from the zoo."

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of two Reddit comments on a dark background. The first comment, from a deleted user, asks about the lengths of depravity humans will go to for sexual stimulation and the torment they can endure for the possibility of sex. Below this, another user, whose name is obscured by a red bar, replies 'please help they found me i fucked a cactus'.

Heroin Monkey

A screenshot of a Twitter thread by user 'ka vinki' (@jkavinsky). The first tweet says 'getting hit by a car kinda fun fr it feels like an action movie when u roll over the hood'. The second tweet is a reply to the first, stating 'driver was crying like she killed me or something relax'. The third tweet is another reply, saying 'nurse asked me to rate the pain 1 to 10 n i said 25 n started screaming i'm getting this morphine one way or another'.

Creed (shit isnt availabe)

A two-panel image. The top panel shows a screenshot of a Google Maps search for "where can i buy a gun" over the United States, with the map covered in numerous red location markers indicating places to buy guns. Text labels include "Mexico", "Gulf of California", "Gulf of Mexico", "Ottawa", and "Toronto". The bottom panel shows a close-up of a bald eagle in front of an American flag with the text "Freedom intensifies" overlaid.

Anonymous

Me when I’m texting somebody and their spelling is so bad I can’t understand what they’re saying

Three cartoon characters with rectangular yellow heads, wearing black suits, and red sunglasses are shown against a dark background. The middle character has text above his head that says, "I know you need grammar classes."

✌️ⁿᵒʳᵗʰᵉʳⁿ✌️

I feel bad for the doc now✌️💀

The image shows a text conversation between a doctor and a patient. The doctor says "you have three days to live" and the patient replies with a picture of an uno reverse card, followed by the doctor's face with a surprised and slightly distorted look.

LoserIsPro

VICTORY ROYALE POKÉMON CARD BE LIKE

A Pokemon card featuring Doodlebob, the white drawing from Spongebob, who is standing with a pencil above Spongebob and Patrick who seem to be knocked out. The text on the card reads "DOODLEBOB LV.9999999999 200 HP STAGE 2 Victory Royale! hahahahahah 150 I hit U meme on u 200 chickennugget weakness +40 resistance -40 fake card".

GG Miller

only if i had a gun DAMN

A cartoon minion character wearing a gray hoodie and holding two guns, with the text "LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE. IF THAT DOESN'T WORK, LOAD, AIM AND FIRE."

GG Miller

didn't fall for number 6 7 and 5

The image lists "10 THINGS I KNOW ABOUT YOU" with a list of funny observations, and a minion looking surprised. The list reads: "1) You are reading this. 2) You are human. 3) You can't say the letter "P" without separating your lips. 4) You just tried to do it. 6) You are laughing at yourself. 7) You have a smile on your face and you skipped number 5. 8) You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9) You laugh at this because you are an idiot (but everyone else does it too, if that makes you feel any better). 10) You are going to repin this to see who else falls for it."

TechPriestGotDrip

I also got mine replaced, hehe, I have a special surprised for you UwU

The image is a four-panel grid. The first panel shows the text 'Male and Female' next to a figure in a red robe. The second panel shows 'Non-Binary' next to an identical figure. The third panel shows 'Impossible to tell under all the machinery and tubes' next to another identical figure. The fourth panel shows the text 'Gender is irrelevant meatbag, I have replaced my genitalia with a neutron laser' next to the same figure now raising its arms.

Anonymous

English spelling at its finest.

A screenshot of a Tumblr post. The first post reads, "You can't spell 'advertisements' without 'semen' between the 'tits'." The second post asks, "What in the fuck did I just read?" The third post says, "Not all heroes wear capes".

GG Miller

Spiderman is holding a slingshot and saying: "I got this shit. I play Angry Birds." He seems confident. The background shows a window with a person doing laundry.

GG Miller

Always Me

A young boy with a slightly annoyed expression is shown. Above and below the boy are white text boxes saying: "Dear Teacher, I talk to everyone. Moving my seat will not help."

Nintendo Fan

The image shows a progression of Spongebob Squarepants through different stages of education and finally work. In elementary school, Spongebob looks innocent next to simple math equations. In middle school, he's confused next to a quadratic equation. In high school, he looks muscular next to a complex integral. In college, he appears even more powerful next to another integral. Finally, in a job, he looks bored next to a list of office supplies and their costs.

Adolf kitler

The image shows a scene with a Baby Yoda figure holding an orange cat. Above this scene, text reads: "Dog owners: oh I prepped for months to adopt! Cat owners: I found him in the trash."

Evil Duck Lords Of America

The image shows four pictures of ducks with the text "I can't unsee this" above them. Under that text is more text: "You just realized that all ducks are actually wearing dog masks." To the left of the ducks is a yellow drawing of a dog mask.

Heroin Monkey

The image is a male height chart. At the top, for the height of 6'3, 6'2 and 6'1, is a tall robot. For the height of 5'11, 5'10 and 5'9, there's a crying Wojak, with the text "I am six foot!!! I am six foot!!!" under it. For the heights from 5'8 to 5'3, a cute kitten is pictured in a towel.

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