Die memes

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.