Medicare jokes

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.

Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."

Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"

Patient: "What condition?"