Medicare jokes

I know how to cut down on Medicare expenses.

Lock Alzheimer's patients in dog cages when they misbehave.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.

What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?

No seriously, what is it?