Masterbate jokes

When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?

I got caught masturbating in the bath by my mum!

I said, "Mum, I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!"

If a master fisherman had a caddie, what would be the caddie's job title?

A master baiter.

What does a dead baby look like?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.

When I masturbate, things cum.

When an old man does, no one cums.

They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.

How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?

I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...