New Magazine Jokes

I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.

What's a gun's favorite type of literature?

Magazine.

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.

Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.

What does a Trump supporter use to load his/her AR-15?

A MAGAzine.

What do cannibals read?

People.

Digest Readers.

Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?

The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....

Those poor kids at Sandy Hook, all they wanted was books. Instead, they got magazines.

How did Gertie Gorilla make the Playboy magazine?

She was ape-ril!

What do you do when you finish a magazine in school?

Answer: You shoot it!

What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!

Ayo imagine having a chocolate fountain, but instead it cost a billion dollars a gallon and you have a hundred thousands, that number will never equate to how many porno magazines and alcoholic beverages and malty liquors stolen from my brother's bedroom as a desperate attempt at being edgy. Ayo, maybe instead of the future cars being powered by petroleum oil and gas, but with hot chocolate.