Life saving jokes

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!

I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?

When you say to your dad...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dad be like...

Who wants my son?

Nan be like, "Me!"

Kid be like...

AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!

What are roux, says nan?

Um, they're your life savings!

Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"

My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

How did you get that? Used your life savings?