Life saving jokes
How did you get that? Used your life savings?
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me when he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
I say these jokes are life saving material. Who's with me?
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
Please don't kill [me].
What did the grandma say at the hospital when you pulled the tube?...................
People love you.
Don't die.
My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.
Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
Community talk
My dearest friends and family, after seventeen years I have decided that instead of continuing to suffer in the disgusting place that is called “earth,” I have decided that Hell would suit me better. Yes, I didn’t say heaven, and that is because I have done nothing but sinned my way through life and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for rejecting help. I’m sorry for pushing you all to the sides and obsessing over myself. The only… Read more