Yo Mama's Old Royal Acquaintance

Yo mama so chubby I squeeze her cheeks and out came a fart

Yo mama so angry, they don’t serve her Happy Meals at McDonald’s.

Yo mama so fat, that when she gets in an elevator, she has to go down.

Yo mama so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat her car has stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat you have to roll over twice to get off of her.

Yo mama so fat her only friend on Facebook is McDonald’s.

Yo mama so dumb, she doesn’t know what 1 plus 1 is.

Yo mama so dumb, that when the judge said “Order in the Court!”, she asked for some fries and a shake.

Yo mama so dumb, that she doesn’t even know her own birthday.

Yo mama do dumb, she doesn’t even know when she married your dad.

Yo Mama so dumb, she doesn’t even know when you were born.

Yo mama so old, that when she was in school, there was no history class.

Yo mama so old, that she sat next to Ben Franklin in kindergarten.

Yo mama so old, she dated George Washington in high school.

Yo mama so stupid, that she thought high school was a school for drug addicts.

Yo mama so fat, that she sat on a dollar bill and squeezed a booger out of George Washington’s nose.

Yo mama so fat, that when she sits on the toilet, it starts to sing “A B C D E F G, get you fat ass off of me.”

Yo mama so fat, that when she went to the beach, and saw some whales, they started to sing “We are family, even though you’re fatter than me.”

Yo mama so mean, that she enforced a curfew for the entire neighborhood.

Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing.

Yo mama so short she needs shoes for her chin.

Yo mama so fat that her high school photo was a double page spread.

Yo mama’s face has so many warts that her face spells “ugly” in Braille.

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be taken from a helicopter.

Yo mama so fat that she’s on both sides of the family.

Yo mama so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the doctor said “Holy crap that’s my phone number.”

Yo mama so short you can see her feet on her drivers license.

Yo mama so short she gets mistaken for an ant.

Yo mama so stupid she studied for an eye test.

Yo mama so old that she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama so fat that her shirt tags have more X’s than Taylor Swift.

Yo mamas teeth so black she spits Yoo-hoo.

Yo mamas teeth so yellow she spits butter.

Yo mamas teeth so yellow that when she smiles, traffic lights turn off.

Yo mama so dark, that when she wears yellow lipstick, people think she’s a cheeseburger.

Yo mama so dark, she went to your dad’s funeral naked.

Yo mama so dark that when she puts sunscreen on, it looks like she is wearing leggings.

Yo mama so dark that she went to night school and got marked absent.

Yo mama so fat not even Dora can explore her.

Yo mama so hairy that when your brother was born, he almost died of rugburn.

Yo mama so hairy that Chewbacca fell in love with her.

Yo mama so fat that she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama so fat that when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Yo mama so old she dated Abraham Lincoln in college.

Yo mama so old she babysat Adam and Eve.

Yo mama so old she watched the birth of Jesus.

Yo mama so old she still owes Jesus $5.

Yo mama so old she has a picture of Moses carved into her yearbook.

Yo mama so old she watched Jesus getting crucified.

Yo mama so old she watched the 300 movie in real life.

Yo mama so old she watched Abraham Lincoln get shot at a play.

Yo mama so old her first Christmas was the first Christmas!

Yo mama so mean the only letters of the alphabet that she knows is PMS.

Yo mama so mean your bath toys were an iron and a toaster.

Yo mama so fat and so mean she ate Mr. Grouper and ended up making the Bubble Guppies cry.

Yo mama so mean I added her name in a text and it auto corrected to bitch.

Yo mama so mean she drinks a bottle of your tears.

Yo mama so mean that Taylor Swift wrote a song about her.

Yo mama so mean that she takes more steroids than A-Rod, just to give you a proper whooping.

Yo mama so mean she told your friends at school you had lice, when you wouldn’t rub her hairy feet.

Yo mama so mean that not even Simon Cowell is afraid to say anything bad about her.

Yo mama so mean that when she wears green people end up thinking she is the Incredible Hulk.

Yo mama so mean that Ramsey Bolton is her son.

Yo mama so mean that the devil gave her soul back.

Yo mama so mean that she makes Regina from Mean Girls look like a sweetheart.

Yo mama so fat and so mean that when scientists found her swimming they thought they discovered the first megladon.

Yo mama is such a bitch that she makes Nancy Grace look like Mary Poppins.

Yo mama so old and mean she is the original Angry Bird.

Yo mama so mean that she tells yo mama jokes to orphans.

Yo mama so mean that not even Lord Voldemort would dare mention her name.

Yo mama so mean that she makes the wicked witch of the west look like Glinda the Good Witch.

Yo mama so mean that even Pennywise would run away.

Yo mama so mean that she can’t use the internet because of cyber bullying laws.

Yo mama so mean she could scare the shit out of the litter box.

Yo mama so mean that the only nice thing that she has ever had to say was that she loves chicken.

Yo mama so mean that the devil decided that he was not going to let her go to hell, and so Jesus made her live forever.

Yo mama so mean that the only place that she had ever visitors in her entire life was the principals office.

Yo mama so mean that she gives Freddy Krueger nightmares.

Yo mama so mean that the only letters of the alphabet that she knows are FU.

Yo mama so mean that when I was looking up the definition of “bitch”, I had found her name.

Yo mama so mean that Regina from Mean Girls is her sister.

Yo mama such a bitch that not even Gordon Ramsey likes her.

Yo mama such a bitch that she tells you she’s teaching you a life lesson, but the real reason is to stay away from yo mamma.