What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
What do ants and Michael Jackson have in common? They go in kids' pants.
What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"
What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
What does a lawyer defending a killer and a password have in common? They're case sensitive.
Why can't depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging.
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home!
A serial killer was at my house and killed all my family but me. Why? I was in the living room.
What do sloths and depressed people have in common? They both hang off trees.
What is a group of depressed kids called? The suicide squad.
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
Q: What do kidnappers and rapists have in common?
H: It's similar to shoes.
A: White Vans.
What do a shopping cart and a wheelchair have in common? They both carry vegetables.
What do you (anyone) and a joke not have in common?
Jokes have meanings.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
What's the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? They both used their brains to paint the walls.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
What do leaves and suicidal people have in common? Nothing, one falls from the tree and one doesn't.
What does a priest and a wristwatch have in common? They both start at 12.
What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?
They both make noise when you throw them.
