Howe jokes
How do you fit 15 babies into a shoe box?
A blender.
How do you get them out of the shoe box? A straw.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
How many Americans does it take to fill the Grand Canyon?
4
How do you stay warm in a cold room?
You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them. XD
How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.
How do you make a dead baby float?
1 cup rootbeer 2 scoops dead baby.
How does NASA organize their parties? They planet.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
A man tried to attack me with milk and cheese—how dairy!
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
How do you finger a feminist? Shake her hand and call her Theresa.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
How did a man kill his car? He throttled it.
These are all of my terrible jokes.
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright, but the reception was amazing.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said, "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says, "Does this taste funny to you? I'm joking of course!"
Dejamoo: the feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor "I can't feel my legs." The doctor said, "I know, I amputated your arms!"
I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says, "Dam!"
A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out for a "small medium at large."
A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent.
Yo mama so fat that she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem.
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh.
A priest, a rabbi, and a cleric walk into a bar. The cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens.
What's red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, "How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"
A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart.
I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis.
A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart.
Why didn't Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels were a lie.
What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck.
Why couldn't the dinosaur break the wall? I don't know. I'm asking you.
Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker? She has dementia.
There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It's an owl it can't talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey.