Howe jokes
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
A neutron walks into a bar and asks, "How much for a beer?"
The bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
How do you spell racecar backwards?
racecar
How do you spell racecar sideways?
Paul Walker's death.
The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me... how dairy!
How were Stephen Hawking's best mates, Siri and Google?
How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.
What's a skeleton's favorite plant? A bone-zai tree. But if they don't like that one, how about a s-pine tree?
How do you circumcise a redneck? Kick his sister in the jaw.
How do you kill a little boy?
You throw him between two Catholic priests.
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!