How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.
How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
How many times do yo tickle a squid before it laughs???
TEN-TICKLES
How do you poop?
How do you make Holy Water?- Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
Someone asked me, "How would you like your steak cooked?"
I said, "On a stove!"
How did Steven Hawking die?
His wife needed a charger and plugged him out.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: It picks cotton.
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how many you throw.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
How do kill a redneck?
Wait until he is fucking his sister and take the brakes off his house.
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
