How do you confuse a ginger?
Throw a cross at them.
How do u know Stephen Hawking is having a seizure?
He spills coffee on his iPad.
How did I know where you would go next?
Oh, I felt it in my bones!
How do you tell when a blonde just lost her virginity?
Her crayons are still wet.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
How do you start an Ethiopian rave?
Stick toast to the ceiling.
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
How can you tell when a cabbage is boiled?
The wheelchair floats to the top.
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
A pedophile is chatting on the internet: "On a scale of one to ten, how old are you?"
How did the inkjet printer kill himself?
He drank cyan-ide.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?
One.
How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
How does a mathematician get tan?
sin/cos.
