Howe jokes
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
Q: How many dead hookers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Not three. My damn basement is still dark...
How do clarinet players play a song?
They reed their music.
How did Stephen Hawking actually die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection.
You are in the airway, how funny!
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
How does a lady with stage 3 cancer introduce herself?
"Hey y'all, I'm Diane."
How come lepers don't play cards?
Well, if they lose a couple of hands...
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
How are you?
If you have 20 apples and you ate 2, how many do you have left?
0 because you have 20 and take away 2, you have 0 left.
HEY! You guys need to S T O P making Stephen Hawking jokes. He has done so much for the theoretical physics world, and THIS is how you choose to repay him? All 653 of you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Joker: How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
Person: Because he felt it in his bones?
Joker: He read the weather forecast, you f*cking idiot.
How can you help a llama on holiday?
Alpaca your bags.
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.
How does water say hi?
It waves.
How many screws does it take to construct a lesbian's bed?
None, it's all tongue and groove...
A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"
The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".
The man asks, "Ten what?"
Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".