Howe Jokes

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

How do you get 1 million followers:

{ RUN THROUGH AFRICA WITH A BOTTLE OF WATER }

🌍: You're so hot!

🌎: How are you single?

☀️: I burn anyone who gets too close!

how many babies does it take to paint a wall?

how hard can you throw them!

Let's make a joke on how depressing Monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

How did Caillou quit his party?

He had to cancel it.

how do you get ten babys in a bucket?

with a blender

How did the tree get sick?

It got tinsel-itis.

All the traffic stopping the cars, how do you spell that without any R’s?

That.

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

How are peppers 🌶 so nosey?

They get jalapeño business.

How do you think the unthinkable? An ithberg

How many times do you nut? It depends how hard you do it.

How many guns can an octopus hold?

9

How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?

Simple. All in the ashtray.

How do you punish Helen Keller? Just move the couch.

How do we know that the ocean is friendly? It waves.

How to tell your kid he's adopted:

Son, I'm a virgin.

When did “yo” mean Hello?

They are so different, how did they come to mean the same thing? Did someone just walk up and accidentally say “llo” instead of hello and people were just like “what did you say?” and the man being embarrassed just made up a story and say “oh, I said yo, which means hello in my original language."