How about that airplane food? I eat it when I'm high.
How many babys does it take to screw in a lightbulb more than 40 because my basement is still dark.
"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"
I like my Oreos how I like my victims... Drowning.
How come Christmas is one time? Because it is so nice!
Sans: haha... Paps: what? Sans: i KNEW it was gonna rain today. Paps: that's nearly impossible, how? Sans: i could feel it in my bo- Paps: OH MY GOD STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Chuck Norris gets paid $2 million a month training Bear Grylls how to survive in the “harshest conditions on earth.”
Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.
Chuck Norris told those three men how to climb Trump's wall.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
How do you make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles
You know how on Snapchat "hmu" means hit me up? A school posted "smu." Nikolas Cruz responded.
How did Hitler tie his tiny little shoesies?
With tiny little Nazis.
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
What do you call Dominos when it doesn't know how to cook pizza?
Domi-don't-knows...
How do cows say "oof?"
They say, "MOOf."
Sir William Herschel discovered Uranus in 1781, 200 years before you were born. How did he do that?
