HI jokes

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

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    • Why did John rape his mother? Because he wanted a brother to play Mario Kart with.

    Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

    His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

    Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

    A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

    So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

    A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.

    This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.

    "My friend and her boyfriend were kissing until she puts her tongue down his throat, and what happens next is really weird."

    The tongue gets stuck in his throat and starts to guh-guh-gughhh trying to get her tongue out of his throat, but it cumssssss out with spit all over his tongue, then they break up because he didn't want that to happen ever again...:/

    Did you guys know that Chancellor Palpatine is suing Nike?

    Apparently, the company stole his slogan: Just "Do It."

    Jonny went fishing and he didn’t know how to cast his pole, and he asked his friend Joe how to cast it. Then when he cast, he only cast 3 feet, and he never learned how to do it.

    There was 1 gay guy, who kissed 4576 gay guys. Then had sex with them, creaming so hard, all of the dicks cumming on his face.

    Then he stopped and had sex again x6, now he was left with...

    Give a man a plane ticket, and he’ll fly for a day.

    Push a man from a plane, and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

    I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.

    My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

    Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

    "I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."