What does the man say about his baby sister Lydia? "I hope she electrocutes herself!"
HI Jokes
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
What did the mincrater do when his Xbox turns off?
He raged! 😱
What did the math teacher write on his party invitations?
Be there or B2.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
So you know "The Lion King."
Do you remember Simba?
Well, his dad is really strong, and he walks really fast, but Simba walks really slow.
So I told him to Mufasa.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
How do you make a juggler laugh? You tickle his balls.
Have you heard of the man who got all his left side chopped off?
He was all right.
"One silent evening, a man walks to his fridge to get some food. He sets out a fork and napkin on the table. He reaches to grab a salad topped with olives and cheese. He sets the food down on the table and begins to add tomatoes, condiments, and..." He is interrupted. "Why are you saying this aloud?" A young boy asks his father. The father replies with, "You wanted to know how to live on your own, but I guess experience is more helpful," he says as he rushes the child out of the front door.
Why did the man sit on his porch and bark at the postman when he came?
Because his dog had a sore throat!
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
What did the bull tell his son before it went for college?
Bye-son.
What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
Jack and Jill went up the hill 'cause Jack took a Viagra.
Jill was drunk, fell to her knee, Jack had his chance, did Jill till 3.
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
What did the beaver say to his son?
Dam, son.
You know what they say: "Location, location, location." So my dad stuck a thermometer up his butt, and now he has degrees.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
My new stepfather told me that I'm his new son, so I said okay.
My stepfather said that my and your mom have a few things in common. I said, "Yeah, like what?" My stepfather said, "Well, you came out of your mother's pussy; I eat your mother's pussy. You used to suck on your mother's tits; now I suck on your mother's tits. Your mother used to smack you in the ass when you act up; now I smack your mom in the ass now. Your mother calls me daddy; now I am your new daddy."
