Hes jokes

What did Stephen Hawking's wife say to him when he came home drunk?

Nothing... she couldn't tell.

Two brothers were arguing. One went: "You're an idiot!"

The other went: "Your brother's a mother!"

He replied: "Yeah, I know. Thanks for agreeing with me."

The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.

I left Twitter for a while, and when I tried to log back in, I found out I was suspended. I realized it was a penalty for saying some prohibited words on Twitter.

Sadly, my idol Pristiano Penaldo took the penalty for me and he missed, and now I'm on my alt. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Ok, here's a story about the church.

There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

Why was the orphan so bad at basketball? He had no encouragement.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Yo, Dad is so skinny, he doesn't work out enough.

A Chinese drug dealer said to me, "Do you like my cocaine?"

I replied, "Not since he starred in Zulu."

Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.

Q: Why did the boy not eat the banana?

A: He was scared the juice might come out.

Wanna know why Stephen Hawking died?

He lost his Wi-Fi connection.

What were Brian Cant's last words before he died?

"I used to do it, but now I cant!"

My dog has no nose.

How does he smell?

Terrible!

Once a knight was called a "kuhnigitt," that's because he was one!

Jake grabbed Lina's thigh and said, "Why don't we have sex? I really wanna see your boobs. I bet they're hot." "Yeah, they are." She took her clothes off and he saw her body. "OMG GODDESS OF BOOBS, PUSSYS AND BUTT LETS HAVE SEX LOOK AT MY..." HE WOKE UP THEN CRIED AND KISSED HIS SISTER'S BUTT. SHE SMACKED HIM THEN HE TOOK HER TO HIS BASEMENT AND KILLED HER FROM SEX.

A man told his love interest she looked beautiful.

And then his love interest told him she had loads of things to tell him.

And after 3 minutes, she told him he looked fat, ugly, disgusting, creepy, and tiny.

Then the police came and arrested her for saying that.

Why is he sooo dam fineee?