Hes jokes

My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."

If I tell you, "Jesus is the trickster," am I, or is he?

Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.

Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?

He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.

Have you ever seen a blind man swim?

No.

Neither has he.

Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.

Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.

A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."

What do I think about the Kennedy assassination?

First of all, he should have had a roof on that car.

When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."

Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.

A guy is at his locker, and a girl comes and says, "Hey, I love you."

He says, "Okay, cool." She then replies and says, "Well, what do you think about our love?" He says, "Count the stars."

Then she says, "Oh, infinity!" and he replies with, "Nope, it's just a waste of time."

My dad was a master of art. He was compared to Houdini due to his skill of disappearing.

I still remember my dad's last words, "You c***! You let the ladder go, you cuuunt!"

Smack! He hit the ground and bled out.

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

Q: Why doesn’t Jimmy Swaggart worry about his premature ejaculation problem?

A: He believes in the second cumming.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"