Hes jokes

What did the cow say when he lost his tractor?

"Where's my tractor?"

Why can’t someone say "ur mums gay" to an orphan? Because he doesn’t have a mum.

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

How Stephen Hawking died: he drove too far away from the wall and the cord got unplugged.

He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.

What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?

"Meow!"

What did the marshmallow say when he was roasting in the fire? "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

I'm glad Stephen Hawking died because he was wheely wheely bad.

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

I took my pony to the vet because I thought he was making a funny noise when he neighed. The vet said everything was okay and he was just a little horse.

Trump got a new jet.

He's probably already licked the windows.

Dog toys are getting out of control.

My mum's dog has a round bison bone.

Looks like he was chewing on Tracy Latimer's hip or something.

Did you hear about the bull who went on a shooting rampage?

I guess he was a little deranged.

Why did Ross fall off the swing?

Because he had no arms.

If Stephen Hawking was an Xbox... he just red ringed and rose up to GameStop.

A man was reported stealing a bar of soap from a corner store. The police concluded that he made a clean getaway.