Hes jokes

God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?

Remember the big forehead kid who said, "Give me a knife, I'm going to kill myself" because of being bullied?

His head was too big to even exist, and that's why he's dead.

When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m.

When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k.

When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms: K a l m.

When the autistic kid's Sketchers light up: P A N I K.

Why did Dad say no to the pool? Because he can't swim.

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.

In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

So I went to a church and I asked a friend, "Is the picture on the wall Jesus, and does it have three nails or one nail?" Oh wait, that's not Jesus, he is not doing the T pose that he invited.

"Cheesus" hates me, yeah, I know, 'cause he's a real douchelord fictional character.

I was playing basketball and a guy in a wheelchair asked if he could play.

I looked at him and told him that we are looking for ankle breakers, yours are already broken.

Is your dad a magician?

Because he magically disappeared.

Why does the kid in the wheelchair get bullied all the time?

Because he can’t stand up for himself.

Your dad is so stupid that when he jumped the fence, the gate was open.

I spit on an orphan. What is he going to do? Tell his parents?

Why are orphans bad at baseball? They can never find home.

A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."

Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?

Because he's British.

My dad left for milk 4 hours ago, anyone know where he is?

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.

My grandpa asked me to pass him his phone, but I passed him a calculator. He couldn't tell the difference.

Why did the chicken explode? Because he pooped his pants!

A "type person" is addicted to eating sugar.

When the doctor saw this, he said,

"From Type 2 Diabetes!"

Get it?