Hes

Hes jokes

Gun

When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"

He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"

I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.

Boyfriend

What does one gay guy say to his boyfriend before he leaves for a vacation?

"Need help packing your shit?"

Water

A kid calls out for his mom one day while he is in the tub and says, "Mom come quick! I'm walking on water!"

And the mom runs in and says, "I knew evon whatent yo daddy! I ain't never slept with him a day my life!"

Memes

Page

Why is willb103 so funny?!!

Because he made the joke home page!!!

Morbius

Who else liked the part in Morbius when he said his catchphrase "IT'S MORBIN' TIME" and MORBED over everyone? In my theater we had a standing ovation!

Space

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

Patient

The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.

Wheelchair

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

Dad

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

Orphan

Eminem: "He don't even know his own father." Orphans: Dang, wish I could listen to that. Eminem: At least you have a rap God to call father.

Orphan

Why are orphans running around the world after the baseball coach said, "Go home"?

Because he didn’t know what the hell to do.

Tree

One time Little Johnny saw someone in his yard tying a rope to a tree, and he moved the stool and the tree broke. Little Johnny screamed, "HAHA! You're skinny enough to break the tree!"

Shooter

I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.

He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.

Biden

What does Biden do? He does you.

What does do something useful unlike you?

Man

Why did the blind man get killed? Because he never saw it coming.