Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?
Me: He could feel it in his bones.
Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!
Heheh ;3
Hes Jokes
How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.
Mozart doesn't care if Bach is better than him; at least he puts a lot of emotion [into his music and] he makes people happy.
So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.
Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"
Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."
Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.
One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.
I'm glad Stephen Hawking died because he was wheely wheely bad.
I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.
I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.
Why was Hitler born? Because he got killed.
Why is 6 scared of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.
When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"
When God said, "Let there be light," he got blinded because you reflected it off your forehead.
What happened to Peter Pan when he jumped off the Twin Towers?
He Neverland.
Did you hear that Ted Nugent had a beer thrown at him at one of his shows?
Answer: He was okay. It was a draft, so he dodged it easily!
Don’t blame Bush; he is white. It couldn’t have been him.
I got hired by an orphan to commit crimes, so he could become wanted.
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
A blind woman told her husband someone is coming. He asks how do you know, you can't see. She replies, "I can taste it."
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
Yo mama so fat, she called Dr. Seuss and he couldn’t even rhyme back.
What does a kid do when he's bored and he's sitting? He puts wheels on the chair and makes it a wheelchair.
