Hes jokes
"BlessedBrian" is like Monday mornings... everyone dreads him, but somehow he KEEPS SHOWING UP.
First Man: My dog's got no nose.
Second Man: How does he smell?
First Man: Awful.
Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!
If a pirate was a pervert, he would say, “Are you ready, kid?”
Why was the American kid late to school?
Because he was too busy putting on his bulletproof vest.
Memes
Your forehead is so big, Mr. Clean thought he would hire you!
Why was 10 scared? Because he was in-between 9/11.
My dad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.
My great uncle died in a concentration camp.
He fell off one of the guard towers.
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause he got stuck in the crack! *butt crack*
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.
Yo dad is like a boomerang; he never comes back.
My dad was in the plane in 9/11, and he was the smart one that convinced everyone. He said, "We're fucked."