Hes jokes
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road?
'Cause he got stuck in the crack! *butt crack*
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Answer:
The man said, "He's going to rape the people on the side of the road."
A guy in a wheelchair said, "I stand for Boris." But I think he meant he sat for Boris.
Why didn't the teddy bear want to go to the gym?
Because he didn't want to get ripped.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Memes
I used to have an imaginary friend who I could talk to, and he could grant me wishes and stuff... and then I stopped going to church.
Person 1: Wasn’t Stephen Hawking on X Factor?
Person 2: No, why would he be on X Factor?
Person 1: For dancing.
Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?
Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
Why did the priest go to the clothing sale at Walmart?
He heard that little boy's pants were half off.
They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"
Why couldn't the orphan use his iPhone 6?
He couldn't find the home button.
This whole string is really messed up. Y'all should be ashamed of yourselves. I just heard the audio recording of the crash and it said, "HE'S ON FIRE! BOOM SHAKALAKA!"
What does the dead man say to the other? He says, "Your daughter is pretty."
The other man says, "How do you know?"
The other man says, "Because she is dead."
Kobe played I Spy and he said, "I spy a mountain."
Two kids were beating up a kid in an alley, so I stepped in to help. He didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.
I'm in school lol.
Why did the cucumber go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling well!
"Little John, she is fat." How? He said, "Like a pig."
He said he didn't want to be my brother anymore.
He's now my sister.
I bought my friend a rope for his birthday. He said it was the most violent book ever.