Tyler M is not to be sitting in the chair he is right now.
Hes Jokes
My dad always used to beat me, but he never beat cancer.
Lady: I am going to come to your house.
Man: Ok.
An hour later, the lady is at the man's house. The man meets her outside of the house.
Man: You are going to cum to my house!
And then he fucks her.
When Caesar’s wife told him she dreamed he should beware the Ides of March, he scoffed and said, “What? It’s not like I’m gonna be stabbed 23 times by my best buddies!”
My blind son got hit by a car when he was riding his new bike. He should have been paying attention.
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
If Stephen Hawking had a FIFA card, he would have 99 dribbling.
He might have been a Fortnite player. Respect him.
Q: What did Jesus say when he got nailed to the cross?
A: Owwww!!!!!
Jack took Jill up a hill to have a picnic, but Jack and Jill got drunk. They then Jill unzipped Jack's fly, then said, "You know you want me to."
He said yes, so she took off her dress and bra. Jack took his pants and shirt off too. They both went in the well together and played a game: Jack's candy stick in Jill's candy stick. Next, Jill was sucking Jack's candy stick while Jack licked and sucked her candy stick, then Jill sat on Jack's candy stick while making out.
Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!
Why did the Indian man refuse to use deodorant? Because he wanted to smell like his natural habitat, the shitter.
Stephen Hawking never used a condom. He used a firewall.
How did Jenson lose against a Cheetah?
Because he was a cheetah!
My friend misspelled "Mexico" and got here.
He sucked his sister's poop hole.
Dam, sometimes when I look at my friend's head, I say, "Dam, that's a dam big head, Nick." Then he is like, "Dude, that's a literal dam."
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.
