Hes jokes

Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?

Dad: He had a nap.

Kid: Where is he now?

Dad: HELL!

Why did the skeleton not go to the ball?

He had no-body to go with.

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball?

He doesn’t know where home is.

Why was the tamale in the hospital? Because he was a "tamalito."

Two sticks of butter walk into a butter bar. One says to the other, "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" He replies, "Sure, dis my butter from another utter."

My child is ungrateful. I got him a bike for Christmas and he didn't say thank you. No, he said, "Dad, I don't have any legs!"

What did the fish say when he got to the dam?

"Dam water."

"Dam!"

A skeleton had a job interview, but he looked messy.

I had to fix his collarbone.

Why did the bone go on a blind date? He was bonely.

MAN 1) Have you ever walked into Stephen Hawking's house?

MAN 2) No.

MAN 1) Neither did he.

Stephen Hawking's death was because he lost WiFi connection.

Why did the car fall asleep?

Because he was too tired.

Why did the fish go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling “eel.”

My grandpa was a great pilot, but he died on September 11, 2001.

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"

The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.

The kid asked him again and so on.

Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

If Red gets voted out, what happened?

Red is not voted out, Red is a hacker, so he kills Blue. OK, so someone found Blue's body. Red said, "Where?"

Lime, Green, and Purple said, "How is Red not dead?"

Red: "I am a hacker, you noobs!"

Lime, Green, and Purple run.

Red killed them all. Red is the win, but he is not the win.

Black killed Red. Black is the win.

LOL

Why did Hitler say "nein"? Because he just got raped, bitch!